To Find Out Who We Are

Augusto Boal speaks to the magnitude of theatre when he said, “We must all do theatre to find out who we are and to discover who we could become.” Creating, imagining, performing, and reimagining of what can happen on a stage requires creativity, synthesis, collaboration, and evaluation – some of the highest levels of thinking; the return on the investment for theatre students is an abundance of connection, pride, creativity, and personal and collective growth. Immersing myself in post-secondary theatre allowed me to experience myself in an art form that continued to encourage and challenge my perspective of and expression in the world, which ultimately developed in me an immeasurable self-confidence as a contributing member of society. I have evolved as an artist and as a person too. I often find myself thinking that if the 17- year-old me could see who I have become today, she would be so excited and proud. Through my theatre degree at UVic, I have found my voice, learned the true power of stepping outside of my comfort zone, grown my confidence on and off the stage, and found a community that supports and believes in me. Here are some experiences I have especially cherished and remembered.

             * The lights lower into darkness, and I feel my skin tingle with anticipation. I am extremely excited and nervous to watch my very first lighting design brighten up the stage. As the dancers start their first movements, and the gold light hits their birdlike gestures, my heart explodes with joy as I watch the colors, shadows, and textures that I had dreamed up in my head come to life on stage; I feel ecstatic, honored, and proud.

             Before coming to theatre school, I had never even touched a lighting fixture. However, I’m in my first year and I am introduced to how to hang a theatre light, and I fall in love with the art form. Working as a technician with extremely talented lighting professionals and designers is inspiring. In my third year, the process of designing lighting for the show The Salty Scent of Home is an incredible learning experience. The support I receive from my instructors, the director, and my colleges emphasizes how much they trust me and treat me as capable; this boost to my confidence contributes to my developing belief that if I have enough passion, the right support and determination, I can learn to do anything. This is very empowering for me and a perspective I apply to other aspects of my life.

             * In my fourth year, I get the opportunity to be part of a show called Stepping Out of the Frame, run by a student collective at my school, SATco (Student Alternative Theatre Company). The show is about highlighting experiences of patriarchal oppression on society and individuals of all genders. The director asks us, as the ensemble, to write our own poems that express our experiences with patriarchal oppression, and then collectively create movement to each piece of poetry. My own piece reads, in part:

             “I absorbed the word weakness and turned it into a blade

             That I use against myself when I feel too afraid.”

             My heart pounds a hurried rhythm in my ears, and the crisp air of the theatre swirls around me as the audience takes in my words, my meaning, my expression. This is my own personal and vulnerable writing about my experience with patriarchal oppression. I feel exhilaration, pride, and lingering nerves rushing through me as I stand there breathing for a moment. I slowly gaze at the audience around me. They are only a few feet away and surround me on all sides. Not only have I processed and experienced vulnerability and connection with my colleagues while we co-created our pieces, but I also feel truly seen in that moment. There are tears in some audience members’ eyes, empathy and understanding in others. My words have truly resonated with them. Through this empowering process, I have collected more evidence that my voice matters and that my experience is important to share.

             * My feet spring into action when I hear Feste the jester’s cue line for my entrance (slightly rewritten by our director, for technical reasons): “He would have me believe that I am not sent for him. Stay, stay. I am sent for you.” The stage door swings open, and I begin my suave descent down the stairs as Sebastian in Shakespeare’s romantic comedy Twelfth Night. My voice fills the theatre-in-the-round, and I hold the audience’s attention with my devilishly handsome fighting skills. Then I fall to my knees to proclaim my lust for a woman I have only just met, and I hear the sound that validates and fills my heart with glee: laughter. The audience enjoys my artistry and likes what I am offering. I feel euphoric and confident.

             Becoming a character like Sebastian gives me the opportunity to step into qualities like bravery, overconfidence, and heroism, which I do not normally apply in my daily life. After spending time as this character, I take these embodied qualities into my own life some: I walk with more confidence, I speak with a deeper and more assured tone when I want to be taken seriously or grab attention, and I can fill a room with my voice. Learning these skills from being on stage makes me feel more confident and assured, not only as an actor, but also as a person who can lead.

             Theatre continues to be one of the most accepting communities I have experienced! Diversity is celebrated, encouraged, and expressed. I appreciated sitting around in common spaces with my peers of all ages and brainstorming ideas, projects, and shows on which we were working. A favourite moment of mine was a 24-hour workshop, that was put on by SATco, where we worked in small groups for 24 hours to write, rehearse, and perform pieces for an audience of peers who cheered and celebrated us and our work. The relationships I have made through my degree have impacted me for life, and now I have many friends in the industry, making beautiful art that I am continually inspired by.

             Theatre school is not only valuable for growing and honing skills for becoming a professional artist, but it has also taught me important life skills such as how to speak to large crowds confidently, how to articulate and share my own values and opinions, and how to belong to a community that will keep encouraging me to grow. I am going to take these skills with me into my graduate work at UVic in Applied theatre because I cannot get enough of theatre school, and I cannot wait to learn more.